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Hi, I'm Kate.
Your therapist friend who refuses to sugarcoat motherhood, and isn’t afraid to spill the tea on my own messy journey.


How to make yourself a priority again even when it feels like there’s no time.


You count. You matter. You deserve as much time, effort and energy as you give to other people. Oof, as basic as that is, that can be hard to remember sometimes! I completely get how self-care, identity, and self-prioritization can slip during the transition to motherhood. It happened to me too! Even just hearing the word “self-care” can be triggering. It’s like you’re trying hard enough as it is just to keep the normal day-to-day things running. Self-care? You might be at the point where you’re just aiming to keep your head above water… whatever that looks like for you. 

As a therapist for moms (and someone who went through my own difficulties when I became a mother) you might just be trying to keep your kids alive, breathing and in one piece. Sometimes getting food on the table and doing the bare minimum is enough. I get that. Sometimes a nap or a hot shower is all you can manage when you’re in the phase where you can barely even go to the bathroom without your child being attached to you. This is so hard. If that’s where you’re at, acceptance is the word. Accept what this stage looks like, but also do what you can to take little steps toward more balance, and know that the best is yet to come.

If, however, your kids are older and a little more independent, you may need to get reacquainted with self-care and self-prioritization. Don’t think of this as yet another thing to do—this can be fun! Truly. When your kiddos are a little older, there’s space for you again. Space to give back to yourself, rekindle your sense of personal identity (outside of motherhood!) and actually do what you want with your time. 



Why self-prioritization matters

Self-prioritization is important because it’s a primary way that you can intentionally add joy and interest back into your life. Those words (joy and interest) can feel so foreign, especially if the baby and toddler years were particularly self-sacrificing and full of anxiety (as they often are). When you prioritize yourself, you’re also sending a clear message both to yourself and your family. That being, “I’m here too and my needs matter.” 

At one point or another, most moms need the reminder that your purpose is not just to be a mom. You’re not here on this earth only to take care of your kids, look out for others, give, and care-take. You’re also here to live life to the fullest, get enjoyment out of your days, discover your potential, challenge yourself, feel the full range of emotions, try new things, and just be. 

Sometimes we just need an outside source to give us that reminder. I used to sleep sitting upright if it meant my babies would sleep, make sure everyone else had their fav food but forget mine, never drink my coffee hot, and skip my workouts all the time because I put everyone and everything else before me. As a therapist who supports mothers, I regularly hear women tell me that they never make social plans to get out of the house anymore, that they don’t even know what their favourite meal is because they’re always letting their kids/partner choose, or that they miss their friends, yoga group, or book club but they feel guilty about losing touch so they don’t reach out. 

At some point, something has to change. 

Because if it does, what usually happens is that resentment builds, and you can feel lost and like a shell of who you are. 

Can you take a moment (either right now or in the coming days) and reflect on what has been getting in the way of self-prioritization? Is it your family’s needs? Maybe you’ve gotten comfortable looking after others instead of yourself? Are you intimidated by self-care and self-prioritization because you don’t even know where to start? Maybe you feel like it’s selfish, you don’t deserve it, or it won’t work. And maybe there’s just literally no time so it feels impossible. These are all fair reasons. Each one of these concerns is valid, however in the end,  feeling burnt-out, disconnected, and like you’re just here to cater to everyone else doesn’t lead to a very full or vibrant life. At least it hasn’t for me and the moms in my world. 

Ok so how do you actually put yourself back on the list? Below is a list of annoying simple ways to get started. You can try some, all, or just use this as a starting point to create your own personalized list. 


32 annoyingly easy ways to put yourself back on the priority list:

  • Read for 15 minutes before bed
  • Say yes to the next invite you get
  • Call up the friend who you’ve been out of touch with 
  • Pick a movie, a snack, a beverage, and a cozy sweater and block off an hour
  • Give yourself 20 extra minutes to get ready and do whatever self-care routine calls
  • Make a playlist of old favourites
  • Go grocery shopping and add two things to the cart that are just for you 
  • Put your phone on airplane mode and flip through a magazine without distractions
  • Invest in a favourite tea, juice or coffee and have it every single day
  • Clean an area of your home where you love to spend time
  • Tell your partner you need a night off and take yourself on a date or meet a friend
  • Buy yourself something you always wanted but haven’t allowed
  • Make a smoothie of fresh fruits and vegetables to energize your body 
  • Get a sun-lounger so that being outside feels like a vacay 
  • Make a travel bucket list ranging from local travel to dream destinations
  • Pick a special dinner and either learn how to cook it or order it for yourself
  • Say yes the next time someone offers to walk the dog, watch the kids, or send over food
  • Get rid of five things in your wardrobe that you hate and replace them 
  • Plan a mini vacation (even if it’s just an overnight) and commit to it 
  • Get yourself fresh cut flowers or a new plant to cheer up a space you love 
  • Get chores done extra early on a Saturday and make time to actually enjoy your space 
  • Lie in the sun and leave your phone inside 
  • Next time you want to say no, actually say it 
  • Get a journal and commit to writing out the three best and worst parts of the day for a week. Notice any changes you need to make? 
  • Go for a walk in nature 
  • Have a social media-free weekend
  • Sign up for the course/group that you’ve been putting off 
  • Get reacquainted with whatever physical movement you used to love 
  • Play tourist in your own city/town with the kids but don’t do kids-only activities
  • Have a good laugh, watch your favourite stand-up comedian 
  • Spend time in the garden, backyard or balcony 
  • Buy an adult colouring book and beautiful felt pens and don’t share them! 

Hopefully these simple ideas will get the ball rolling! My encouragement for you is to be willing to try. Not everything will feel like a slam dunk, and that’s okay! Just keep trying, because learning how to care for yourself, too, is one of the most important things you can do for your mental health and fulfillment in parenthood. You got this.


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Your therapist friend who refuses to sugarcoat motherhood, isn’t afraid to spill the tea on my own messy journey, and promises not to dole out cliche therapy advice.



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