How To Manifest Self-Love

How To Manifest Self-Love

Surely you’ve heard the word “manifesting” popping up on social media or in the increasingly popular new age self-help section of literally any bookstore. And believe me, I devour these reads like the best of them, but if you’re not familiar with this idea, don’t worry my friend. 

 

manifest self love

 

How to Manifest Self-Love

 

1. Build your awareness about how you currently feel about yourself.

 

You need to understand your starting point before you move on to manifesting a different outcome. So ask yourself: how do you feel about being you? What are the areas about yourself that are hardest to accept? And when are you most critical of yourself?

Understanding your degree of acceptance (and being honest with yourself, knowing that this is just starting point) will give you clarity around the direction to move in.

 

2. Envision what you want.

 

How do you want to feel about being you? What kinds of judgement and criticism would you like to let go of? When you look in the mirror, how do you want to feel about living in your skin?

 

Creating an image of where you want to be is an important step in manifesting self-love. You need to have a clear sense of where you’re headed, to be able to feel into this new way of being, to try it on in your mind’s eye, to get a little glimpse of what this reality could be like.

 

This image of yourself that shows you what it’s like to accept, honour, and love being YOU, is the focal point of this work. You can bring up this image whenever you like to remind you of what your life could feel like. If you can image in, you can work toward it.

 

3. Ask for what you want.

 

The traditional concept of manifesting includes this important step of putting your wish, intention, or request out to the universe. Once it’s out there, then your job is to open yourself up to the possibility that it could become true (in other words, get out of the way of the good things coming to you… stop self-sabotaging or denying the affirming messages that you receive). 

 

Now, you don’t have to necessarily put your request or intention out to the “universe” per se – just make this work for you! You’re the boss, remember?

 

You could draw on any basis that makes you feel connected and supported by another force. Some people might pray to God, some might ask “Source” for help, some might connect with themselves or other kind of spiritual source through meditation. Maybe you just say your intention or wish out loud without worrying about who/what is listening.

 

The point is, you need to get specific about what you want and then put it out there. Ask for what you want! Journal about your desired outcome. Write notes to yourself in lipstick on your bathroom mirror. Put your request on the backdrop of your phone. Leave sticky notes in places you’ll stumble upon.

 

 

Having daily reminders of your desired outcome is important. So if you want to love and accept yourself more, you need to intentionally bring these thoughts into your awareness every day.

 

 

4. Take action.

 

Sure, the concept of manifesting is largely about trusting the universe that your message has been heard, and that your dreams are available to you and are coming your way. But you probably know it’s not that easy, right?

 

While holding this preferred vision of yourself in your awareness every single day, you also need to take intentional action to move in the right direction.

 

 

For example, if you want to be kinder to yourself, yet you continually look in the mirror and cringe in disgust at your wrinkles, you’re not taking responsibility for change.

 

What can you do, right away, to begin repairing your relationship to yourself? When you identify the un-loving ways you think about or treat yourself (from step 1), you can then outline clear steps to overcome those negative patterns. 

 

 

For example, let’s say you often lay in bed at night reviewing all the ways you “failed” as a mom that day. You lay in guilt, reviewing your conversations with your kids, wishing you didn’t get so frustrated, wishing you had more perspective in the moment.

 

Since you know this is your pattern, you can plan for this. When these thoughts come up (remember, they are just thoughts, not necessarily the truth), you have a choice to make. Do you continue down this berating story line? Or do you change it?

 

What if you said to yourself: “Ugh, those were some hard moments today. I feel badly about the way I spoke and I also understand why I was frustrated. I have a lot on my plate. I am doing my best, and my kids know they are loved.”

 

 

This simple self-compassion exercise of giving yourself understanding for how you behaved can really help take the sting out of self-judgement.

 

 

5. Be open to receiving.

 

The original thoughts behind manifesting (you can read more about them here) say that once you ask for what you want, look out, because it’s coming your way!

We need to be in an open and receptive place to allow good things to come to us, right? When we walk around with our backs up, in a defensive state of mind, it’s less likely that good things (like interactions, people, feelings) will make their way in.

 

In other words, be willing to have your vision of self-love become a reality. Entertain the possibility that this could be real! This is hard to do, especially when you’ve lived many years of self-loathing or with a loud inner critic. 

Rather than just accepting that you’re always hard on yourself, a perfectionist, or judgemental, change the way you think of these things. Maybe you were that way, but you’re ready to feel differently. Maybe you’ve always judged yourself when you see your reflection, but you’re excited for a new experience. Keeping yourself open to experience new thoughts about yourself is key.

 

And when they do arrive (let’s say you lay in bed a night and feel proud of how you parented your children that day), welcome them in! Notice the difference, feel what acceptance is like, and don’t dismiss it.

 

As you work on self-love, I encourage you to intentionally search for the evidence that you’re making changes. Ask yourself, what small things have I done differently? Does my inner voice sound a bit differently? Have I been more self-compassionate or forgiving? Is there anything I’m proud of these days?

 Shining a light on these new experiences of self-love (no matter how small) is essential in this process. You need to see the impact of your intentions.

 

6. Stay in self-kindness + compassion

 

Don’t forget that it’s taken your entire life to form who you are in this moment. Your automatic thoughts (especially the critical ones) have probably been reinforced for a long time, so don’t be surprised if they stick around for a while.

 

And most importantly, remember that thoughts are just that: thoughts. They aren’t always the truth, and in fact, they are often just habits! Well worn habits.

 

So if you find yourself back in the darkness of self-criticism and loathing (which you probably will at times), challenge yourself to recognize this as just an old pattern, and get back into a place of self-compassion.

 

Thoughts are a result of routines and patterns, really. SO if you allow yourself to hang out in negativity, that’s where you’ll remain. But if you intentionally get into a place of self-kindness + love (through the power of manifesting) then you’ll attract more of that into your life.

 

The Top 9 Ways To Manage Overwhelm

The Top 9 Ways To Manage Overwhelm

If you heard me say “life is full” you’d know exactly what I meant right? For most people, their day-to-day lives are jam-packed with to-do lists, emails, appointments, running kids around, trying to manage a home, to eat well, to work out, launch their side hustle, and on and on it goes!

manage overwhelm

You already know that self-care is important, and in fact, a necessary part of a healthy and balanced life. And especially in your role as “mom”, you’re clearly aware that your self-care needs are the first to drop off the priority list when lift gets hectic … which is probably all the time.

Now, when I talk about self-care I’m not referring to mani-pedis and facials.

Self-care is not extravagant. It’s not frilly or luxurious. It’s not even expensive. Well, it doesn’t have to be at least. And even though it’s often thought of as an “extra” or “if I have time I’ll get to it”, self-care is actually the most important thing you can do as a mom to keep balance… and your sanity.

Reset the Meaning of Self-Care

So first of all, can we all reset our understanding of what self-care really is? Just ask yourself the simple question: what do I need in order to feel cared for and comforted, and how can I do this for myself? 

For moms, this often comes down to the most basic needs, like eating nutritious food, moving your body, sleeping well, stimulating your mind, processing emotions, and finding some quality interpersonal connections that aren’t your kids!.

Self-care is about tending to all parts of you, including your mind, body, spirit, and relationships.

It’s about checking in with yourself on each of those levels, understanding which areas need more energy, and how to actually meet those needs. It’s unique to YOU.

The Reality You Know All Too Well

But here’s the challenge: especially during those early years with your kids, your needs take the back seat.

And honestly, I think this is natural and not necessarily a bad thing.

Your life feels out of balance because it is out of balance. Never in your life will another little human need you to the extent that young kiddos do!

But just remember… it’s temporary.  

Now as a mom (and therapist) who get’s how hard this is, I certainly won’t tell you flippantly that you need to focus more energy on you. To be honest, I’m not sure that if a therapist told me to “do more self-care” I would have given it much thought… it never seemed realistic.

In my mind, there was absolutely no way there was time in the day to do anything for myself.

Self-Care As An Item On The To-Do List

You see, I used to view self care as another item on the to-do list that I just didn’t have time for, likely because I always failed at it.

Somehow I had this idea that I could make self-care a central part of my life virtually overnight, but all this did was brought me more stress knowing how brutally I was taking care of myself.

Why can’t I just take these vitamins?

How hard is 30 minutes of exercise a day?

Why do I keep staying up so late?

Why do I drink so much coffee? What’s wrong with me?  

We often set the bar too high, expecting monumental change to happen almost overnight and then loathe ourselves when we fail “yet again.”

And if we equate self-care to another chore on the to-do list (like I had been doing) then it’s unlikely to get done. We might even actively avoid it just like that laundry pile in the corner.

Are chores motivating? Exciting? Calming and fulfilling?

Do they let you recharge your energy, calm your system, and feel better? Maybe… but probably not. 

Aim Low . Like Really Low

So here’s my first suggestions to help you make self-care part of your everyday life: stop setting such lofty goals that make you feel badly about yourself! 

Now this might be strange to read and certainly counter to what you’ve probably learned, but what if you lowered your standards? Could you consider creating small and do-able goals rather than shooting so high and ultimately setting yourself up for disappointment?

Not only will you avoid feeling so terribly about yourself, you’re also more likely to create a habit when you smart small (it’s science, apparently).

Reduce coffee instead of cutting it out …

Workout twice a week rather than think somehow 6 days a week is realistic …

Write for just a few minutes in your journal each day.

Eat something, anything, green every day. 

Ask yourself, “What is simple and doable?” 

 

Double Dip With Your Time

The other key to easily weave self-care into your life as a busy mom is to double dip with your time rather than add more to your plate.

If we are so damn good at multitasking (cuz we are, right?), then multi-task the heck out of self-care. Can you do something for yourself while you are going about your normal day? 

For example, maybe you put on your favourite music when cooking dinner and give your ears a break from the kid-tunes you’ve so kindly rocked all day for your little ones. 

Let’s say you’ve been wanting to start a gratitude journal. What if you got into the habit of writing a few things down every morning at the breakfast table while you sit with the kids? You could even make gratitude more of a family practice or ritual during dinner time. 

What if you learned a simple visualization that you could do every day in the shower? Here’s an idea: My favourite is to imagine the water rinsing off everything that I don’t want or need to be carrying around with me that day. It might be frustration, self-judgement, worry, regret … just imagine the water taking it all away. Then, focusing on what you want to carry with you throughout the day (like ease, calm, positivity) washing over every inch of you. Ahhh, so good 😉

And my personal favourite for moms of younger kiddos: hang on to naps or quiet time as long as you can. Teaching your kids the value of resting the body and mind for an hour in the afternoon is a beautiful lesson, and then see if you can take that time to dive into a book or do something just for you. 

Oh, and also. If you want to escape on Instagram, that’s okay. That’s self-care (to a degree) in my books as long as it feels like rest/entertainment/enjoyable.

Make Self-Care So Easy

What I want to illustrate is that self-care doesn’t have to be a huge monumental gesture of self-love, and it doesn’t have to cause stress or take up time that you certainly don’t have.

I encourage you to be creative and find ways that you can sneak self-care into to you daily family routine so that it doesn’t cost you even more time and energy. 

Re-learning how to prioritize yourself takes practice. By becoming a parent, you shifted your focus and finite energy to your children and this inevitably leaves less for you.

Your job now is to renegotiate how you fit into the equation. Start right now by thinking of just one small way to send yourself some of the love you so rightfully deserve. 

xoxo

Kate



 

You know what it’s like to feel as though you’re barely hanging on to all the million-and-one things you have to take care of?  If you drop just one ball, they all come crashing down (or so it seems, at least).

 

Now, there may not be an obvious way to simplify your life or de-stress (and no… I won’t tell you to just take a bath or meditate) but, there are ways to calm your nervous system so that allllll the things you manage don’t suck you into a permanent state of stress and overwhelm.

 

Cuz that’s no fun.

 

Ultimately, when you’re operating on high alert (as you probably are almost all the time) your body’s in a constant state of readiness… remember learning about fight or flight in high school science?

 

To put it simply, when you’re stressed out, your nervous system prepares itself as if you’re under attack by some seriously threatening outside force (like a tiger), when in reality, it’s just that you’ve got too many things on your to-do list that day.

 

Or maybe the barista is painfully slow.

 

Or maybe your boss had a bad day and they truly do resemble an angry tiger… idk?

 

Your poor nervous system … working so hard to keep you safe not knowing that you’re actually fine (I mean, you’re likely not running from a wild human-eating animal). But regardless of the perceived source or seriousness of threat, your entire system feels stress on a deep level.

 

And this high-alert space you hang out in too often is doing a number on your physical, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being.

 

So how do you calm your nervous system, then? Here’s 9 realistic tips to calm your system when you’re overwhelmed.

 

10 Best Ways To Manage Overwhelm

 

1. Watch your pace.

 

Rushing is very stressful, it throw your energetic pace all out of whack!

Essentially, when you rush around from task to task, you send a message to your brain that there’s a problem and to send help! In comes your nervous system to get your body fired up to manage the “stress” (along with a cocktail of stress hormones). This kind of stress is cumulative, so take this to heart if you always seems to be running late.

 

Give yourself some extra time, take some things off your plate, or alternatively, let go of the need to be promptly on time for everything. If you are late, take a breath and try to put things into perspective, letting go of any guilt you’ve gathered along the way.

 

2. Do Nothing.

 

Seriously! Be open to stillness, silence, nothingness, and un-productivity. Let go of the need to always be getting something done. In fact for some people, doing nothing is harder than doing something! When you give yourself permission to take a break and be still, you cue your body to let it’s defences down and your nervous system can relax for a while.

 

3. Have Fun.

 

Get back to your joy, whatever that looks like for you.

Somehow we’ve learned to take ourselves so seriously and lost the pure magic of play, silliness, and good old fun, as though these are reserved for childhood. But interestingly, we’re learning more and more about the value of having fun in support of good mental and physical health.

And come on, fun just feels good doesn’t it?

 

So ask yourself, what fills you up? How can you reconnect with joy and invite more positive energy into your world? And if nothing jumps out at you, then is there something you’ve thought about trying in the past that you could make happen this week?

 

4. Get Your Priorities Straight.

 

This is all about boundaries. What do you really want to spend your time doing? What parts of your life add the most value?

Now, of course there’s things you simply must do as an adult, like clean up after yourself, do laundry, earn some kind of income. But I’d bet there are other things taking up your valuable time and mental resources that aren’t really paying you back.

 

Think about those conversations you have that aren’t fulfilling. The time lost on social media, that event you said “yes” to even though your heart wasn’t into it. When you’re overwhelmed, you need to get ruthless about your time and energy, and only spend it where you get value back.

 

5. Clean Up.

 

Outer order = inner calm … heard that before?

You might have found yourself with the sudden urge to clean and organize during your most stressed times, and this actually makes perfect sense! When your external world is chaotic, it’s adds to the sense of overwhelm within you.

 

When you focus some energy on eliminating the outside chaos, you’ll feel yourself settling as well.   Just make sure you don’t let your sudden cleaning urges get in the way of important things you need to take care of (like sleeping… or getting your work done).

 

6. Move Your Body.

 

No, you don’t need to do a huge workout or go for a run, but just move.

 

Do something. Stretch, dance, go for a brisk walk. And take note of how your mood feels during and afterwards. What usually happens is you get a little endorphin hit (you body’s natural feel-good chemical) once you move your body that will help ease your overwhelm and feel more balanced.

 

7. Accept The Struggle.

 

One truth that so many of us try to deny is that suffering is inevitable. To be human is to suffer because we have these things called emotions. And the hard part about emotions is that you can’t pick or choose which one’s you get.

 

Most of us know what every single emotion feel like! We know grief, jealousy, anger and rage, fear, sadness, guilt, worry, frustration, disappointment. Welcome to being a human. Darn, hey?

 

If you can find a way to accept that sometimes, you’re just going to be in the muck, you’ll find a little bit of peace while you’re there. Instead of working so hard to change your situation (when often you simply can’t), you’ll surrender and avoid taking on more negative feelings when you realize you can’t just run away.

 

Usually, emotions pass whether or not you try to change them. They move, they change, they get easier then harder again. So try to surrender if you can.

 

8. Hang Out In Nature.

 

Just trust me, get outside. Not only do your senses come alive, but you get a break from your mental busy-ness when you step out into the elements and pay attention to what’s there.

 

Focus (on purpose) on what you see, hear, smell, feel, taste. Make a mental note of how everything looks a bit different with each passing day. When you tune into your senses in this way, your nervous system has an opportunity to relax and settle. Noticing your senses brings you out of your mental stress and into your body where the relaxation and grounding happens.

 

9. Practice Self-Compassion

 

You’re reading this because you want you feel better, and because you value personal growth and development, right?  You want to learn how to manage overwhelm so you can get back to joy!  And these are all good things! You’re a self-helper!

 

Where we tend to get in our own way, though, is with pervasive and ruthless self-criticism.

 

Why can’t I keep everything tidy?

 

Other people have it way harder than me and I can‘t even manage this!

 

There goes another day without going to the gym, I’m so lazy.

 

Somehow we’ve learned that self-criticism is deserved and that magically it’ll motivate us to change. And quite frankly, both of those ideas are just wrong.

 

Would you ever criticize a friend who was struggling with the exact same challenges that you’re going through? No.

 

If someone calls you names like lazy and useless, does that inspire you to work hard? Hell no.

 

The truth is, self-criticism is like a catalyst for overwhelm and makes the experience feel so much worse. I want you to consider the way you’d treat your best friend when she’s having a hard time: how would you speak to her? How would you validate her?

 

Then, catch yourself being self-critical, remind yourself that it’s not actually helpful, and try replacing those criticisms with kindness and understanding.

 

By the way, I have FREE mini-course that’s all about your inner critic and creating positive self-talk that actually supports you (imagine that?). You can learn more about that here or click the image below.

 

FREE Mini Course!

Click the image above to learn more about the free course and how managing your inner critic can help you deal with overwhelm and stress!

What’s one tip that you think you’ll start integrating today? Let me know in the comments below!

xox